So it's decided - I'm changing my name back to Totterdell, from Daws.
If you don't know - Daws is my married name and for a host of reasons I didn't change my name when we separated almost 8 years ago or when we got divorced 6 years ago. It has seemed good and natural to continue on with Daws until now. Now however, in these weeks following mum's death there has come a desire in me to go back to using Totterdell, my birth name. Not sure that I can really explain why - it's something very deep in me that's decided to do it. And not sure that I can explain the timing either. But I'm conscious I don't need to - I just need to be sure in myself - and that I am ... so here goes. Happy to talk about it if you'd like - but not sure that I have heaps to say about it other than - it just seems good to do and good to do now.
But as well as that (and I'm sure deeply connected) I've been thinking lots about what it means to "be true" to who we are created to be. We are reading Colossians at 5pm at the moment and the phrase that hit me during the gospel reflection on Sunday was "your life is hid with Christ in God". So what does it mean to be true to our primary identities - that of being children of God, co-creators with God, people who have the breath of the life of God in us etc ... rather than our false selves - the ones that came later, the ones that deny life. I long to be true to my primary identity and there is something in this name change that is representative of that too. (Not at all implying that changing my name or keeping my name as Daws for this long has been bad - just the symbolism is all quite timely and deep)
3 comments:
To me, you are my sister. It doesn't matter what your name is. K :)
Yes, i do understand this, and understand, of a sort, the timing.
Here's an interesting aside for you... I bumped into someone I knew at GWAC on Facebook (via your friends list, actually!) and they asked in a message "Where did the Sparrow go?" and, aside from my joking response that it flew away!, I had to struggle to remember...
The value I place on my surname is null and void. And I don't think I necessarily now agree with my choice to drop the Sparrow back at the end of '99 (finishing uni... entering workforce... feeling part of Sparrow extended family without the need to add the name, which was part of the initial reasons...) and there's a tiny unsettling bother hiding there now, probably being poked by this (your change) and, firstly my brother's issue a month or more ago...
So, either I tell Pete that he has to pop the Q because I want a new surname, or I go the way of Madonna and become Trish, just Trish!? :D
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