Stress

An interesting experience today.  I have been feeling very relaxed - in fact I described to someone today that I'm the most relaxed I have been in years.  An email this afternoon about a work thing that is undone (on the list of many things to do) made my stress level go up immediately - wasn't even a tense email ... but a forward of someone else asking for something.

It was interesting to note just how quickly it changed my state and over how small a thing.  I'm actually thankful for it as it was something I could observe in a way I often can't ... and i was also able to go "I'm on leave - you don't need to worry about that now".  Still I'm struggling to let it go ... and pondering how much of that kind of stress there is in my life on a day to day basis.

But for now - back to leave!

Testing

Just testing whether I can see posts in NetNewsWire.

We are Adopted

Recently, for various reasons, I've been thinking a bit about foster care and whether all people around a family with a child who is currently fostered treat that family as a "real" family.  A week or so ago, with this in my mind, I was preparing for Christmas and read John 1.  To those who believed in the Light he gave the right to be children of God: we are adopted into his family, we are IN his family.  How often do we treat ourselves and act is if we are only "half" in God's family.  How often do we try and "live in both worlds"?  We are adopted - with all the rights and responsibilities that means.  A friend and I both had tears in our eyes as we thought afresh about the depth of what that means.

Great post coming from an article by Rowan Williams

Having just spent significant time deciding whether to stay in the process of Anglican ordination - and deciding to, it is of great encouragement and comfort to read these words spoken by the Archsbishop of Canterbury which echoes something of my sentiments in my last post.  He discusses it as bringing true evangelical and catholic together.

Check ti out here.

Caught in the Middle

So often I feel caught in the middle of lots of things.  It's not that I don't have opinions, I do have them - and quite firm ones at that, but often I can see both sides and agree with parts of both sides, so often end up in the middle - the "middle way" as it is often called (the "middle way" is one of the things that defines Anglicanism - seems like I am in the right denomination!).  

Tonight a conversation with a staff member after a great group conversation about SPACE once again made me conscious of the way in which I am in the middle.  Sparked by some things she said in the group conversation and some other things, we talked through her sense of the only reason to be doing what we are doing is evangelism.  For her that means people being converted.  I'm conscious of how different that is to what matters to many I'm around, in word and action - and how I am in the middle.  What matters to me is that people experience wholeness and for me that wholeness comes in all sorts of forms but only finds it's fulfillment in knowing Jesus and growing in relationship and discipleship of him.  Through the conversation tonight my sense that I am wanting more people with a relationship with Jesus, who long for people to know and experience wholeness in it's completeness, to be in SPACE regularly has been reinforced.

And the conversation with the staff member after this group conversation led me to understand some more of why that is difficult for many around me.  Not only are we time and energy committed in many (good) places - many of the people around me are not sure where they are in their own relationship with God, are not sure about the uniqueness of Jesus, are not experiencing the transformation that they once believed was the experience they would receive from relationship with Jesus, are not growing in their relationship with God ... and at the bottom of it, their confidence in Jesus is low and therefore, they are not confident in what to share about the life that he offers.  Therefore, people come down to being interested in doing good in the world, offering good things to the world.

I am convinced that this in itself, while being good, is just touching the surface of the issue.  It's like giving people a drink of life giving water, but not helping them to knowing where to find the life giving water which will never try up.  They might have a heap of water (good in their life that they might even be able to share with others) but if they are not in a deep connection with the One who is the creator then life in its fullness is not known and shared.  This is what I long for - people to know life in its fullness and to this end the staff members comment tonight is accurate - "what's the point otherwise?"

He is Enough

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.

Blessed am I who have mourned for I have been comforted.

Through entering into mourning, I have received comfort,

And that comfort is way enough; He is enough.

So can I trust to enter into mourning in other things?

Can I trust that he will hold me?  Can I trust that I will be comforted?

It is only in entering into mourning, that I will receive comfort,

And that comfort is way enough; He is enough.

Anger

Tonight I am angry.  I am angry at a number of things - one of them is the way people in all sorts of areas of life keep knowledge to themselves - and teach something they know to not be the only voice.  It's not just that people speak what people can understand - it's often that people speak what they know to be much more questioned than they teach.  One of the values is some of the children's ministry context I've led within is "Don't teach children things that they will need to unlearn later".  I think this is a good principle for life: by all means speak in a language and method that the people you are speaking to can comprehend and apply but don't teach as "the only understanding" things you know to have many more options behind them.  All sorts of fields do this - right now my anger is directed towards people who have studied theology and, in particular, Paul's letters and the "New Perspective" on Paul and who continue to teach a Lutheran understanding to the Law and righteousness even though they know that there are many more views and scholarship around.  

And by the way - yes I did have an exam today - on Romans!  Any guesses what I've been spending much time on over recent days!!!!

Sparkling

I went out for a dinner with a close friend of mine the other night and decided to try some sparkling white for a change.  And I really enjoyed it.  Like it seems with too many things, I like it if it's good quality!

Just maybe ...

My thoughts on Anglicanism and whether I will make it through what is often called the "sausage machine" that is the training of Anglican Ordination candidates goes up and down.  As someone who knows a fair amount about where the system is up to here in Melbourne said to me today and someone else also in the know said to me a little while ago: "You are five years too early".  Often I wonder if there is room for me and people like me in the Anglican system, and in particular in the ordination and immediately post ordination/curacy system.  I often think not.  A conversation I had today encouraged me that just maybe I will make it!  Time shall tell.

Presencing

A book I read a number of years ago called "Presence" is becoming a lived experience for me.  Amazing experiences of "letting go" and "letting come" are happening as I live my personal life, as I personally engage with issues in my work life and as I work with others on these issues.  We have no idea what the future that seeks to emerge will look like ... but we feel that we are starting to understand something about the conversations and moments that need to happen for us to be at a point to be transformed personally and corporately so that we can let the coming future emerge and embrace it.  

Here is a diagramatic representation of the process as discussed within "Presence".

Are you who you would love to be?

For various reasons I have been thinking alot about the gap between who we are and who we'd like to be.  Around our faith community, a number of us for many years have loved the expression "mind the gap" and just recently I've had another experience of pondering this and knowing the reality of it in my life.  How often do we really want to be able to be and act a particular way but find ourselves incapable of doing that exact thing.  My most recent experience of this has interestingly been one of acceptance of this reality in a way that it never has been before - still a longing for more and to be different but not a negative experience, certainly one of peace and acceptance, though not contentment (I don't think I want contentment with it).  I think it's only peace and contentment with the reality that then enables honesty about what's going on and the ability to work with reality as it is rather than as you'd want it to be.  This experience has also caused me to reflect on experiences of my life where others would dearly love to have been able to choose to be and act differently than what they were capable of - it's certainly continued to grow my compassion and realism about life.  It's all been quite interesting at the same time as studying Romans 7 where Paul talks about "finding this law at work, when I want to do good is evil is right there with me" and writing an essay on Romans 8 (18-30) about how everything works for (what I reckon is) our maturity as people who are on about what we were created for.  Also interesting at a time where myself and some close friends are having experiences of deep freedom in some areas of our life in ways we are so thankful for ... and can only say that it's the mystery of God's grace that has brought it about.  But yet we live in a time and place in history where we have good reason to hope for transformation and live in a way that opens the path for that, but that needs to accept reality as such that we are still on that journey.  And the journey is good and rich.

Advent Calendars

Last year in early November we had a time at one of our faith community gatherings thinking through how families especially might explore Christmas together.  It inspired me to do an Advent Calendar for my friends who are twins and who last year at Christmas were almost 2.  It was fun and they enjoyed it.  I also gave the content to a few others.  

This year I have revised that a little, keeping it aimed at preschoolers, and I've written an adults version with the same daily themes so that parents have some prompts for thoughts and actions along the same themes that they are working with their children on.  I'm working on giving a "kit" of these to all families who are part of our faith community plus some other important families in my life.   It includes things like candles to light each day, a chocolate or other treat appropriate in that family advent calendar, a card for each day with a theme and an activity for that day.

Let me know if you'd like a copy of the parts of this that have soft copies.

(Solace families - you will get one and will be asked soon about your preference about a few things that are in it so that what you receive is appropriate for your family/children ... but still let me know if you'd like a soft copy to be able to give it beyond your family)

Some other things I've come across that some adults might be interested in for Advent reading and action are two books: one by Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan called "The First Christmas" and another is "Advent and Christmas: Wisdom for G.K. Chesterton" - by the Center for the Study of C.S. Lewis and Friends.

Limiting Communications

I'm in another of my reading zones and currently I'm reading "Here Comes Everybody - The Power of Organising without Organisations" by Clay Skirky.  I thought this quote from page 42 was interesting and telling: "If you have ever wondered why so much of what workers in large organisations know is shielded from the CEO and vice president, wonder no longer: the idea of limiting communications, so that they flow only from one layer of the hierarchy to the next, was part of the very design of the system at the dawn of managerial culture".

Which thing to write about!

There is so much going on within and around me that I don't know which of the many things to write about.  So much growth, so much thought, so much being.  Life is good, God is good, I am satisfied.

Definition of Spirituality

We were sitting around at our regular coffee catch up time for staff around our network and discussing a range of things regarding spirituality. At one point, one of the people who is fairly disparaging of the word "spirituality" asked us all what we meant by the term. We went around and shared ... it's an interesting question. Most answers were something around "connection with 'the other'". The thing I added to that was that it was about "being" - with ourselves, God ('the other') and each other. I think for me at the moment it's something like "the mystery of deep connection with 'the other' which allows a 'being' with ourselves, God, each other and the world as it is in reality".

As I think about what I said in that conversation and a conversation over dinner last night when someone asked me about the Alexander Technique lessons I've been having all year - I recognise that "being" is the word of the year for me. It's an active "Being" - but it's not "doing" - it's a mystery that is hard to put words to but I know that I'm deeply growing in. It's a different way of living. It's one of being fully present in reality - physically, emotionally, spiritually. It's full of life and possibilies. It recognises limits and even chooses to limit itself further for the sake of growth and life.

Anyway - what's your definition of 'spirituality'? For those of you more "in church circles" - how would you define what the word means to you to someone "not of a Christian faith"?

Solace Dinner

Last night was a Spring Feast with the faith community network which I'm a part of. It was a lovely night - great food, great atmosphere, even greater people and a really special sense of understanding something deep about the mystery of life together, spoken about a bit but just "known". It was a time of celebrating a number of the dreams of people in our networks who are or have been involved in the journey of something that we reckon delights God. Thanks to another network who have gifted us with some money - this celebration included a gift of money to use in some way towards the dream. We celebrated things at all stages of the dream cycle - including things that have "failed". I love that! What we are wanting to celebrate is people's joining with God in the world - not the "outcome" of that (although we do want to celebrate when we can see the differences in a positive direction to). We recognise that "failure" is inevitable and shapes for the next step in the journey. But in essence it's also people's joining with him in his heart for the world that delights God - so that's also what we want to celebrate. It was a great night of being, celebration and presence, where God was gently but strongly honoured.

Mission - Families and/or Marginalised

It seems that I am having many conversations at the moment around some decisions we have made in my work/faith community context about our mission focus being families and children (and therefore our buildings being focused on families and children). The issues in the questions are complex - and to be frank, while it's tiring, it's raising the kind of conversations, questions and issues that we ought to be having more frequently!!!

Some of the conversations remind me of the first year or so of our faith community in 2000/2001 when I was doing Forge and also when myself and many peers really were thinking alot around issues of "priority for the poor". Our faith community at the time met in a strongly upper middle class area of Melbourne and I remember numerous supervision conversations around "what does incarnational ministry look like in upper middle class Melbourne"? Should we be doing it? Does God call us to have a priority for the poor? Given where I was in those conversations, I find it ironic (but very like God!) that I'm one of the main advocates that we should be basing our mission focus and therefore buildings on the main growing demographic of our area - families who materially are doing quite well. I've grown strongly in the direction of seeing it as important to "become all things to all people in order that we might save some" , or in my words - doing whatever it takes to connect with a people group in order that they might see the invitation to participate in the kingdom of God and join in on that. And we find ourselves in an area where a main growing demographic are families who are materially doing quite well. Alongside that, those of us who are committed to mission on the ground in a day-to-day way long term have a heart for those people, as well as abilities to connect with them and offer things that are needed for this group. We also find ourselves having a sense that this is the group who God has invited us to focus our efforts towards as we seek to be his followers in this place at this time.

Those of us doing this process have thought long and hard about this and wrestled with it, praying and fasting and spending much time thinking and discussing it. Not only is the question the general "priority for the poor" question but also currently our building is a space that much of the week a handful of local very marginalised people spend alot of time and where we are heading this will not be possible. There is another faith community that does a great job connecting with those marginalised people but they do it in a more "program" way rather than the "open space" way we have been doing. However, in reality it is 6 or so people and all of us who work on the ground regularly see clearly that these people cannot be in a space that families are going to be safe in without much supervision (and that's if the families are comfortable being around them - which certainly several local families have strongly indicated they are not).

So it's a bit of a predicament really and we have felt called to move ahead strongly with the single focus on the site we are talking about but haven't felt free to leave aside the question of how we continue relationship with those we currently have connection with and also I haven't felt free to assume that what we are currently doing will definately conclude (though thinking it will on the current site we are talking about).

Several of the wider community around these decisions (people from the faith communities who gather in the space) are currently questioning this focus. Some of it is from their personal perspective: where do I fit in this? I like the wide range of people currently at gatherings - will that continue if the site and building are focused on families and children? Absolutely fair enough questions. Another range of questions centre around: difference is a key of the gospel and also a key of our community, this goes against that. Yet another range of questions centre around: how can we not be focusing on the marginaised, especially how can we be creating a space where at least much of the time they would not be welcome, especially as a people of faith how can we do that. An extension of those questions centre around our responsibilities to those we currently have relationship with and who currently find themselves "at home" in the space we are discussing.
Great questions - I love that they are being asked and discussed and not easily left.

It's also an interesting journey for me personally - I find myself owning that I am more gifted than most in my abilities to minister with the marginalised, I find my passion for ministry with families and children coming to the fore once again, I find myself more strongly than ever believing in incarnational ministry - thinking that it's important to "become like" the people we are seeking to connect with, I find myself facing the realities of time, space, money and energy more than ever, I understand more than ever the need to make hard decisions, I find myself thinking it's important for us to stay in the struggle of what we think theologically, what the missiological needs and questions are and what we feel God's saying - and what it means to help others stay in the struggle.

And while spending hours thinking, discussing, praying and writing about those issues, I have been planning the next stage of the space becoming a "Family Wellbeing Centre" which starts on 1st October and planning timelines and project plans into next year.

And while doing that, doing the many things that our current and future ministry in this area requires. One of the things I love about things currently is the excitement that some staff have around what we are doing and being part of the vision - it's great to have such people working for us (I did semi hunt them down as people with the missiological ethos we need in the space at this time!!!!) I also love the stories daily of connections we have with people of all kinds, in the space and in the suburb; I love being part of the rhythms and relationships of this local community.

Great excitement and focus in the midst of struggle and questioning, that would be the title of my week!

Satisfied

It's been a long day but I'm deeply satisfied. It's been a day of much life and one which I've loved with every part of me. All the same, I will be glad to get into bed tonight. (Right now I'm across at my lovely friend's across the road whose computer I am using to connect to the internet!)

This morning I led Solace Sunday stuff think through the connection between Thin Places, Open Hearts and Spiritual Practices. What? you may ask! It's teaching prompted by Marcus Borg's book "The Heart of Christianity" which numerous parts of the Solace network are exploring at the moment. He draws on the Celtic tradition to speak about "Thin Places" - the times when this reality is "permeated" by experiencing "the more", God and the things of the transcendant. So I led us in thinking about the Thin Places in our lives, what it means to have open hearts and a little on spiritual practices. I then spoke on how they interconnect. I'm conscious that this relationship is deep, mysterious and complex - that's what I read in others experience and also is true in mine. As I live in practices I find I experience Thin Places and I find my heart opened. Likewise, as I open my heart I find myself experiencing Thin Places and find myself wanting to engage in spiritual practices. I also find myself engaging in practices, which opens my heart and that leads me to experience Thin Places.

I then felt strongly led to catch up with a friend who had texted during the morning - a great time which I sense was quite profound.

Tonight at our 5pm service I led us in a time looking at Ecclesiastes. I've been thinking and encouraging us to think about the phrase "everything is meaningless", "vanity of vanities" as being about temporariness and in particular the concept of "everything being unable to be able to fully be grasped" or "everything is puzzling" which in my understanding is closer to the Hebrew word that it is a translation of.
I then had a profound "Thin Place" experience as I had communion - a time of experiencing the one who is unable to be grasped who I love dearly and deeply and in a way that I can't even begin to grasp my love of! His invitation tonight was to allow myself to enter into not grasping life at a deeper level - and tonight I did that and experienced a profound sense of being caught up in the largeness of life, all that is. It's an experience beyond words.

Time for bed - knowing that life is good, God is good, while life and God are both beyond graspability!
(and time to let my friend go to bed too!!!)

Robbed

I'm housesitting at the moment and a couple of days ago the house was broken into.  I came home and my laptop was gone, my old phone and various things of the owners.  It was clearly someone on foot so small things.  I've never been broken into before - it's a wierd feeling.  

How do I feel?  Violated, invaded, on edge.  Interesting ...

Isaiah 30:15

In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength.