Saturday, May 26, 2012

Where to start?

I'm sitting in New York Public Library wondering where to start writing about the last few weeks. There has been so much amazing stuff, many precious sacred moments, so many places seen and experienced, many thoughts had and a decent amount of angst in the mix too.

So I will start with this moment. What a luxury to be sitting in this quiet room in the midst of busy New York. I've been struck by the amount of public space in the cities I've been to in the US and Canada and the need for them. I've enjoyed the green spaces on the National Mall in DC and Central Park in New York, amongst many others. Space in the midst of life. Crucial.

And that is something that I really haven't had on this trip - space. And more than ever I'm aware of how crucial it is to me; how much my functioning well and capacity depends on it. It's been a lifelong journey of understanding this huge need of mine.
And the journey continues.

I've experienced so much yet have not included many of the things that help me process and feel my experiences before moving on to the next thing. This means that I've not had the capacity to fully engage with the next experience. This is a way I've chosen not to live but I've found myself choosing it this holiday and paying the consequences of it. Thankfully these days I'm very aware of what it takes to reset the button and can go there quickly but it's been a very powerful reminder of how easy it is to return to old patterns of living.

None of that takes away from the beauty and powerfulness of what has been experienced - it's just that they haven't been lived as well as they might have been.

And so today I'm thankful for this place of peace and quiet.

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