Willingness??

I spent an amazing time in St Patrick's Cathedral in New York City. God and I wrestled long and hard - and surprise, surprise he won! I was telling the story of this wrestle to the person I was staying with - and the subsequent consequences that led to a further invitation from God that I was struggling with and she said some words that stopped me in my tracks and had me wrestle some more for the next 24 hours - "it sounds like you are in a place of willfulness rather than willingness; willfulness being the complete opposite to the surrender of willingness". Ouch but so true. God worked some more in me and in the silence around the dinner table the next night worked in me to bring me to a place of willingness.