Impact of death

Death impacts us.

A week ago a friend of mine died.
Not someone I saw regularly.
But someone who was/is of importance to me.
Someone who is part of my history.

We have lived in separate places for most of our lives but our paths have crossed enough for connections to have continued.  We met as children on Groote Eylandt.  One of my clearest memories of her from that era was when I was 13 and was baptised and confirmed in October 1988.  That night I stayed at Angurugu at her families place.  At a lonely time in my life - she was a friend.

Some years later (1997), in what felt like another lifetime, I was at a national conference for an organisation that I was a volunteer with (and now work for) and there was Krysti, also heavily involved with this organisation.  That week established our connection as adults - and people who cared passionately about our faith and seeing young people connect with and find real the person of Jesus.  We also had some deep personal conversations around some of life history which also brought us closer.  There was also some late nights of fun!

About 5 years later, Krysti came to Melbourne (where I lived at the time) to study at Bible College.  Again connections continued.  Not frequent but several during her time in Melbourne - enough to continue the friendship and the sense of connection around a shared history and shared passions in the present.  And again a sense of fun.

Krysti returned to Darwin.  Facebook continued our connection.  And then in 2009 my uncle was seriously ill in Darwin - and Krysti once again was a friend, at a time when that is so what I needed.  As soon as she heard, she showed her care and arranged for me to stay with her parents.  She (and her family) had me over for dinner and we once again shared some significant moments of conversation - in the midst of one of the most stressful weeks of my life.  Her presence, her actions and our conversations continued to help me be grounded in the One who was her, and my, source of hope and peace.

And now she has died.  A journey of 18 months or so.  A husband and two children.  A life that has been well lived.  A life that has been lived with passion.  A strong sense by people close to her that she is now with the One she most loved.  Deep grief for many who knew her - especially those closest.

I've felt the distance this last week.
I'm in Perth; I wanted to be in Darwin.
I've been thankful that I've been working in an organisation where a few people know of her - and know of her death.  There is something about that connection that makes it easier.
I've been very conscious of those who are the closest people to her - having known something of deep grief myself, they have not been far from my thoughts and prayers this last week.
I've also been conscious of how death affects us - from whatever the point of our relationship to a person.  For each of us the story is different.  But its impact is profound - and not necessarily just for the closest.  For me this week, I've felt a sense of isolation and disconnection - as I grieve the passing from this life of a friend who has shared some significant moments and have no co-grievers around me.  There has been a deep sense of feeling for her family and those others closest to her.  Along with that, there has been a thankfulness for her life full of faith, hope and passion and once again grief has plunged me into living fully in the moment that I find myself and being fully myself - embracing faith, hope and passion in the place that I find myself.  Once again, I experience the journey of grief which embraces the "both/and" of such different emotions and thoughts and I find myself know something of the mysterious comfort of the "God of all comfort" and praying that those closest are also experiencing something of that comfort.

Centering Prayer

I so often find the things on Paul Fromont's blog helpful and interesting - and often points me in the direction of various resources, books and articles.  This is another post like that.

I loved this statement which is from Paul's notes in reflecting on Cynthia Bourgeault.  So true of my experience.


"Centering prayer “patterns us” over time. It reprogram’s us to “let go” and to be “open”. It wires new channels of perception that enable us “to see the lines connecting the dots”; to “extend hospitality and hold together what are typically held as opposites; one over and against another!"

SUNO blog

I am actually blogging a bit now - much more over on the SUNO blog connected with Scripture Union WA where I'm now working.  You might like to put that blog in your feed reader or look at it occasionally - however you read your blogs!  As I'm writing on that blog, I'm having all sorts of ideas that don't fit the scope of that blog - so I suspect that it will actually mean a decent amount more blogging on this blog too.  Loosely speaking - things to do with missional living or missional leadership style things will be on the SUNO blog, with other things on here.

Today is a New Day

This year I've been part of a gathering where we spend an hour each week doing 4 different spiritual exercises.  In our last 6 week cycle, journalling was one of these.  Here's a poem I wrote a few weeks ago:

Today is a new day
It's a brand new day
The breaking of the dawn
The coming of the new.

New adventures
New horizons
Life as we know it
Is left behind for good.

The future ahead
Possibilities abound
Trust is nurtured
And embraced.

It's anew day
New challenges
Life to be lived
Love to be loved.

Look forward
Not back
The world beckons
Respond with all of yourself.

Today is a new day
A day to be thankful for
Life to be lived
A day to live to the fullest.

Leave yesterday behind
It has shaped you
But there is no more to be done there
Today is the only day you can do anything about.

What is it that must be done today?
That is different from yesterday
And different from tomorrow.

What is the invitation for today?
Just today, not tomorrow
Not bound up in yesterday
Just today.

Excitement around a Female PM

As the week in Australian politics has unfolded, I've watched people around me be excited about the first female PM in Australia, whatever they think of how it came about.  I'm not unhappy about it - but the whole issue of women being in significant roles just doesn't fill me with excitement.  And that has had me pondering - why is that?  Alongside that I have numerous people around me who are very conscious of these issues in many areas of society - so I have much reason to ponder why these issues are not overly present for me.

As I've pondered this week, I think it's due to a strong belief that women can and will be in those roles and a sense of taking it for granted, even though it's physically never happened before.  There is a sense in me of "of course, what's the big deal".

I do see that these issues are real in our society but there is a very real sense that they are not overly present for me ... thanks to all sorts of things in who I am and my upbringing.

Transitions

Transitions.  Interesting times.  When we go through transitions, it's not just us going through them.  They impact those around us.  They impact our relationships.  They impact our inner world.  They impact our time.  They impact our energy.  They impact all around us.  We are indeed interconnected individuals and each of our decisions impacts each other.  If we do this, than we can't do that.  If we do this, we won't want to do that.  We often don't know the full impact of a transition until we are in it, or perhaps even after that season.  We might be able to guess, others might be able to guess but it's only in the midst of it and in reflection on it that we can know it's real impact.

I'm very much enjoying my current transition - but I'm very conscious of the transition it is for others as well as me.

Oh Where are You Going?

Recently, I was in a church service and we sang this song from the
Iona Commununity. The words really struck me:

1. Oh where are you going,
and can I come with you,
and why is your company
never the same?
You sit among beggars,
you argue with bankers,
debate with the lawyers
and walk with the lame.

2. Oh where are you going,
and can I come with you,
and what is your secret
towards which you strive?
What hidden inspirer,
what unseen admirer,
what dream is the substance
upon which you thrive?

3. I'm going on a journey
and welcome companions,
but don't ask me how we'll
survive, where we'll go,
or who will come with us,
or what we'll be doing.
Just join me in travelling
and learn all I know.

People you are around ...

This post is interesting - about the way the people you are around shape you.

What do you think about this?
If you listened to it, what would you change?

I missed the link to it on Dave's blog but another friend saw it.  Her reflection was "how might this shape what faith community we are around?"  Very good question, I reckon about that and many other things.

Every Day

I am regularly thankful for the formation of my teenage years.  Below is one of the things that was in our church newsletter approx. 20 years ago that at various times has been on the wall of my bedroom or office. I was prompted to go find it tonight by a tweet by Bryan ... about a post that John Piper had written.

Reflections from Psalm 104

1.  Every day, I will look into the sky and see the miracle of God.
2.  Every day, I will open my eyes and ears to see mystery ... in a person, a flower, a cloud or a tiny and apparently little creature.
3.  Every day, I will not tolerate the current idea of mindless and endless revolutionary process.
4.  Every day, I will treat as a special gift from God, to be lived for Him.
5.  Every day, I will determine not to believe that this day is merely another ambiguous and plodding 24 hours, but rather a meeting with God in everything I do, and everything that happens to me.
6.  Every day, I will not demean my own uniqueness by envying others.
7.  Every day, I will ask for and receive a new cleansing that God graciously offers in His Son.

Warn me someone!

Would someone please warn me next time I start praying this prayer regularly that God's taken me on an interesting journey the last two times I've done that.  Yet again this prayer makes it onto this blog!  Thanks Thomas Merton!

My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Spiritual Needs?

Some people I'm around have been talking in terms of people's spiritual needs.  I have been uncomfortable about these words - for some reasons that I have been able to touch into and some that I haven't.  The ones I have been able to touch into have mostly been personality driven but I knew that there was more to it than that.  So I've sat with it.

Today, while thinking about a tweet that I read the other day which I was also uncomfortable with about "God help us for the fact that people go to different churches or ministries according to what they need", some of my thoughts clarified.

I am very comfortable with people being involved in the process of giving and receiving in various contexts - I don't think the Bible in any way indicates something about "you must be part of one spiritual community".  I do think that it's important that we live in true spiritual community - but that can be in many contexts.  We are as likely to not be living in ways that allow others in as part of one community as we are living in relationships of authenticity, honesty, openness and growth in whatever contexts we find ourselves - Christian and otherwise.  It's much more about our attitude than it is about whether we have "a" spiritual community.  We are not an island, others do have a right and responsibility in the context of relationship to speak into our lives and we have a responsibility to hear and evaluate their words and their wisdom before God with openness, humility and critique and make changes based on those evaluations.  We need to live with others in such relationships as to make that possible (now there's the challenge!).

So, given that, how do we choose what contexts we are in?  This is where I agree with the tweet - I don't think it's based on our "needs", if our "needs" is simply "wants going to give me the connection with God I need" or something like that.  That's what I am uncomfortable with in the wording in the first situation I outlined.  Firstly, I think the question is "what context/s is God inviting me to be in - right now, today, for this season?"  Sometimes we have a clear sense of that - and in our own discernment aided by those around us, we need to go with it even if it doesn't make "sense".  Sometimes, to help us answer that question we need to ask some other questions.  I think the real questions are not what are my "needs" but rather something along the lines of "what context/s would it be helpful for me to be in to empower my being in the world in ways where I 'live freely animated and motivated by God's spirit'?"  Here the focus is not on me and my needs (which I think is dangerous in a consumer culture) but rather on God and God's world and our place in it.

To be honest, I think some of the issues that I'm uncomfortable with are somewhat ones of semantics in this case (ie. I think the people using the words would be on somewhat of the same page as me).  However, they are semantics which matter to me.  In a culture which all the time teaches me to consume, I don't want to be reinforced in this consumer mentality which puts me at the centre in my engagement with spirituality.  I want the way I think about all the contexts in my life - spiritual community and otherwise - to keep reinforcing a perspective which places God and God's agenda and ways at the centre and it being from that place that I make decisions about the contexts in which I engage in.  I want to form others in ways that reinforce those things.

I guess the words matter to me because they form me and others deeply.

Great Saints, Great Sinners

Great Saints, Great Sinners


Richard Rohr

Sin and grace are related. In a certain sense the only way we really understand salvation, grace, and freedom, is by understanding their opposites. That's why the great saints are, invariably, converted sinners. When you finally have to eat and taste your own hard-heartedness, your own emptiness, selfishness and all the rest, then you open up to grace. That is the pattern in all our lives. That's why it was such a grace in my hermitage year when I was able, at last---even as a male and a German---to weep over my sins and to feel tremendous sadness at my own silliness and stupidity. I think all of us have to confront ourselves as poor people in that way. And that's why many of our greatest moments of grace follow upon, sometimes, our greatest sins. We are hard-hearted and closed-minded for years, then comes the moment of vulnerability and mercy. We break down and break through. Source: Letting Go: A Spirituality of Subtraction via inward/outward.

Being Busy

"Being busy is a form of laziness : lazy thinking and indiscriminate action. Being overwhelmed is as unproductive as doing nothing, and far more unpleasant. Being selective - doing less - is the path of the productive. Focus on the important few, and ...ignore the rest. Lack of time is actually a lack of priorities." From Derek Sivers' website, notes on Tim Ferris' book

Enneagram Twos

Twos learned two things growing up: to put other people's needs ahead of their own, and that they must give in order to get. Twos feel that if they take care of others, others will take care of them. (The Power of the Enneagram audio tapes)

Poverty in the West

Love this quote :

“The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty — it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There’s a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God.”

-Mother Teresa

Megalong Valley

The creek where we scattered Phil's ashes ...

Voices: The Carrical Project

The other night I went to a performance of Voice: The Carrical Project
as part of the Fringe Festival. It's a performance put on by Scotch
College, along with Servants in Hawthorn and supported by the City of
Booroondara. Carrical is a rooming house that is run by Servants in
Hawthorn, which has close connections with Hawthorn West Baptist
Church. The director of Voices has been connected with Hawthorn West
and Carrical for many, many years. This performance came about
through a coffee conversation between the person who ended up
directing Voices and the CEO of Servants in Hawthorn/Carrical. What
came about through that conversation was connection and conversations
between students of Scotch College and a performance telling the
stories of the residents of the rooming house. It was a great and
truthful honouring of their lives - including the life of someone who
recently died - and a project that achieved so much on so many levels.

A great dream becoming a great reality, coming out of the faithfulness
of a community to this work over many years.

Are we willing to give up?

Our hope for the future lies not so much in what we are able to give, but in what we are willing to give up; not in what we are able to do, but in our willingness to do without.

(Daniel Deffenbaugh, via Waving or Drowning? via Inward/Outward)

One of the joys of my day ... At Campion in Kew

Loving the Wilderness

While it's not my current place in my own journey (ie. I don't feel in a wilderness place), I do love and relate to this post about loving the spiritual wilderness.