Story

A few things over the last few days have prompted me to think about story.  I've been watching the movie "Australia" over the last few days and the phrase "all we really have is our story" hit me.  It's so true - and how precious is each of our story.  What would it mean for us to live into our story more? Embrace our story more?

Your focus

Great quote via this blog:

"The more you focus on something -- whether that's math or auto racing or football or God -- the more that becomes your reality, the more it becomes written into the neural connections of your brain."

-Andrew Newburg, neuroscientist

The last minutes and hours of life

Having spent much time beside the bed of a very unwell person recently and many hours in a couple of hospitals, I've had some time for reflection.  I've also had lots of times of really being present in the moment - I'm so glad I am able to be that now.

As I sat with my uncle just hours before he died - between when he was last conscious and when we finally died, I found myself using one of the many resources that are deep within me - it was some words from Julien of Norwich "All is well, all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well".  I found myself saying it repeatedly in time with my uncles breathing.

On reflection, I remembered another story of someone with a person close to them in the last minutes before they died - praying the Lord's prayer.

These combined experiences have made me ponder - what is it like at these times without deep spiritual resources of some kind that are beyond the cerebral?

Freshly engaging with the Bible

As we were organising a funeral for a close family member recently, I had the delight of watching someone engage with the Bible in a way that was fresh, interested and found meaning.  As the minister gave her a Bible and opened it to a passage he thought might be a good place to start, she said "no I don't like that" and then looked across the page and noticed another bit and went "what about this, it's so perfect for him; can I start anywhere and finish anywhere; what are these numbers, are they phrases?"  It was great watching someone engage and feel like they could find meaning in a book that they obviously have rarely engaged with, at least for themselves.

Everything changes in a second

A phone call at 11am.
At 9pm board a flight from Melbourne to Darwin.

A full week planned,
Everything is cancelled or covered.

A weekend in Daylesford,
changed to a week (or so) in Darwin.

Things that really matter,
Suddenly are in perspective.

Amazement happens at the thought of preparation,
Of life working together towards this moment.

God is known deeply,
Shock is real.

Aloneness feels good and precious mostly,
with moments of longing for others.

Don't know what moments the days ahead will bring,
But comfort in the preciousness of each moment.

In a second, a conversation, a moment,
life changes.

Testing

I am testing posting via email.

Quotes from Rohr

I love these quotes from Richard Rohr:

“Everything circles around what you do with your pain. If you don’t transform it, you’ll transmit it.” 

and

“Without an encounter of real transformation, idolatry is inevitable.” 

which was on this blog.

More Time?

I like this post by Seth Goddin.

Why not make that decision rather than waiting - more time will probably only create anxiety not a better decision.

Why should you run something?

Over the last while, I've been think about the question around how you decide to run a "program", group or event and I have been shifting in my thoughts.

I, and many in the faith community network I'm part of, have come from environments where from good motivations at the core, there has been lots of pressure for people to be involved and run Sunday school, youth group, be on committees etc but where that often means people doing things from a sense of guilt or duty.

Moving away from that (and towards other things), we have considered it much more important for people to do things because they have a need for it (and invite others into that) or to have a passion for it.  So if no one feels the energy for something then it doesn't happen.  I have been a supporter and promoter of that.

I'm not sure about it anymore - probably more accurately, I am moving from that place.  I don't think that is the path of discipleship.  I am moving more to thinking what's appropriate to ask the questions of "what is needed in this setting" and "what can I offer / what is God calling me to offer".  The key difference in this is the focus on others not the focus on self.  I know so deeply that it's in giving our lives that we find our lives (rather than in looking for our own lives) and I think that what we/I have been living in for a while actually is something that is a different path to that.  I don't think now that it's the path of discipleship.  I certainly don't think it's the path of the cross and resurrection - the path of life.

Thankfully, God works through all sorts of things and I've seen much fruit of the perspective I have had / been leading in but for me it has assumed that the foundations are missional and outward looking and more and more I realise that is an unfair expectation for most people.  It's hard to be discovering that you disagree with some key perspectives you and others around you have lived in.

Proximity

I'm discovering that proximity is an important reality for me.  It can be proximity in many ways - geographical, relational, technological, mutual goals, contact; somehow "closeness" is important, whatever the form.  As I have thought about some people I've been equally committed to and what has fostered the development of one relationship and our relating and what has hindered another - proximity has been what I've begun to explore as the distinguishing factor.  The more the levels of proximity overlap, the greater the room for the growth of friendship, mutuality, the knowingness and being known and presence in each others lives.  This means that I share life more with some people in other countries who are also technologically connected than I do with some people who I dearly like to who live in the next suburb.  It also seems for me that proximity produces proximity (I am more likely to initiate relating with people who are proximate than the one who is not proximate).  

The realisation of this in the last 24 hours has freed me not only in the particular context I was reflecting on but others where the reality of life just does mean we are not in proximity.  Doesn't mean I care any less but given what I'm discovering about myself (probably in some degree everyone) it is the reality that governs who and what I am going to give myself to.  

It's also helpful to reflect on because it does seem that it means that I'm increasingly focused on the present - which is a marked and very healthy shift for someone who has spent alot of time holding onto the past.

The current moment is all we have and it is precious.

Fairness

I have been reading lots recently and have been really refreshed and empowered by it.  I have recently read a book called "The Social Entrepreneur" by Andrew Mawson.  It's a great book.  There are lots of things that I have been led to think about and do coming out of reading it but one thing that has really impacted me is his take on fairness.  I'm not sure if it's a quote or not but there is certainly a sense that the concept of fairness hinders innovation.  Intrinsically many of us value fairness; we have been brought up understanding that it's an ideal principle.  But where do we get that from and is it actually what creates the best society or even does it work?  As I ponder this, I've been thinking about it in all sorts of contexts: two three yr old friends of mine are regularly heard saying "but that's not fair" (I'm sure you can all imagine that well!); the concept of fairness hinders freedom as I think about who I am in different relationships - if I concentrate on fairness across relationships I actually can't really give myself in a real, mutual and present way to any relationship; as I think about conversations about the future direction of the community space/church building I'm involved in reshaping the concept of fairness can threaten to stiffle forward movement so much so that in wanting to be fair to all we would not really do anything well for anyone; is God 'fair'? increasingly I think not!

Removing 'fairness' as a value allows great freedom and treatment of people much more as people and less as objects, it allows from the heart responses, it allows us to make a difference in the corners of the world where we can, are present in and have passion for which has to be better for everyone in the long term. 

Farewell 'fairness'!

Stress

An interesting experience today.  I have been feeling very relaxed - in fact I described to someone today that I'm the most relaxed I have been in years.  An email this afternoon about a work thing that is undone (on the list of many things to do) made my stress level go up immediately - wasn't even a tense email ... but a forward of someone else asking for something.

It was interesting to note just how quickly it changed my state and over how small a thing.  I'm actually thankful for it as it was something I could observe in a way I often can't ... and i was also able to go "I'm on leave - you don't need to worry about that now".  Still I'm struggling to let it go ... and pondering how much of that kind of stress there is in my life on a day to day basis.

But for now - back to leave!

Testing

Just testing whether I can see posts in NetNewsWire.

We are Adopted

Recently, for various reasons, I've been thinking a bit about foster care and whether all people around a family with a child who is currently fostered treat that family as a "real" family.  A week or so ago, with this in my mind, I was preparing for Christmas and read John 1.  To those who believed in the Light he gave the right to be children of God: we are adopted into his family, we are IN his family.  How often do we treat ourselves and act is if we are only "half" in God's family.  How often do we try and "live in both worlds"?  We are adopted - with all the rights and responsibilities that means.  A friend and I both had tears in our eyes as we thought afresh about the depth of what that means.

Great post coming from an article by Rowan Williams

Having just spent significant time deciding whether to stay in the process of Anglican ordination - and deciding to, it is of great encouragement and comfort to read these words spoken by the Archsbishop of Canterbury which echoes something of my sentiments in my last post.  He discusses it as bringing true evangelical and catholic together.

Check ti out here.

Caught in the Middle

So often I feel caught in the middle of lots of things.  It's not that I don't have opinions, I do have them - and quite firm ones at that, but often I can see both sides and agree with parts of both sides, so often end up in the middle - the "middle way" as it is often called (the "middle way" is one of the things that defines Anglicanism - seems like I am in the right denomination!).  

Tonight a conversation with a staff member after a great group conversation about SPACE once again made me conscious of the way in which I am in the middle.  Sparked by some things she said in the group conversation and some other things, we talked through her sense of the only reason to be doing what we are doing is evangelism.  For her that means people being converted.  I'm conscious of how different that is to what matters to many I'm around, in word and action - and how I am in the middle.  What matters to me is that people experience wholeness and for me that wholeness comes in all sorts of forms but only finds it's fulfillment in knowing Jesus and growing in relationship and discipleship of him.  Through the conversation tonight my sense that I am wanting more people with a relationship with Jesus, who long for people to know and experience wholeness in it's completeness, to be in SPACE regularly has been reinforced.

And the conversation with the staff member after this group conversation led me to understand some more of why that is difficult for many around me.  Not only are we time and energy committed in many (good) places - many of the people around me are not sure where they are in their own relationship with God, are not sure about the uniqueness of Jesus, are not experiencing the transformation that they once believed was the experience they would receive from relationship with Jesus, are not growing in their relationship with God ... and at the bottom of it, their confidence in Jesus is low and therefore, they are not confident in what to share about the life that he offers.  Therefore, people come down to being interested in doing good in the world, offering good things to the world.

I am convinced that this in itself, while being good, is just touching the surface of the issue.  It's like giving people a drink of life giving water, but not helping them to knowing where to find the life giving water which will never try up.  They might have a heap of water (good in their life that they might even be able to share with others) but if they are not in a deep connection with the One who is the creator then life in its fullness is not known and shared.  This is what I long for - people to know life in its fullness and to this end the staff members comment tonight is accurate - "what's the point otherwise?"

He is Enough

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.

Blessed am I who have mourned for I have been comforted.

Through entering into mourning, I have received comfort,

And that comfort is way enough; He is enough.

So can I trust to enter into mourning in other things?

Can I trust that he will hold me?  Can I trust that I will be comforted?

It is only in entering into mourning, that I will receive comfort,

And that comfort is way enough; He is enough.

Anger

Tonight I am angry.  I am angry at a number of things - one of them is the way people in all sorts of areas of life keep knowledge to themselves - and teach something they know to not be the only voice.  It's not just that people speak what people can understand - it's often that people speak what they know to be much more questioned than they teach.  One of the values is some of the children's ministry context I've led within is "Don't teach children things that they will need to unlearn later".  I think this is a good principle for life: by all means speak in a language and method that the people you are speaking to can comprehend and apply but don't teach as "the only understanding" things you know to have many more options behind them.  All sorts of fields do this - right now my anger is directed towards people who have studied theology and, in particular, Paul's letters and the "New Perspective" on Paul and who continue to teach a Lutheran understanding to the Law and righteousness even though they know that there are many more views and scholarship around.  

And by the way - yes I did have an exam today - on Romans!  Any guesses what I've been spending much time on over recent days!!!!

Sparkling

I went out for a dinner with a close friend of mine the other night and decided to try some sparkling white for a change.  And I really enjoyed it.  Like it seems with too many things, I like it if it's good quality!

Just maybe ...

My thoughts on Anglicanism and whether I will make it through what is often called the "sausage machine" that is the training of Anglican Ordination candidates goes up and down.  As someone who knows a fair amount about where the system is up to here in Melbourne said to me today and someone else also in the know said to me a little while ago: "You are five years too early".  Often I wonder if there is room for me and people like me in the Anglican system, and in particular in the ordination and immediately post ordination/curacy system.  I often think not.  A conversation I had today encouraged me that just maybe I will make it!  Time shall tell.