Live your way into the answer

Just saw this on Just Etchings and LOVE it. I'm known for my statement "the question is the answer". I love the phrase "live your way into the answer".

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves ...

Don't search for the answers,

which could not be given to you now,

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Perhaps then, someday far in the future,

you will gradually, without even noticing it,

live your way into the answer.

rainer maria rilke

Too much alcohol!

Drive to meeting with friend (who happens to also be my boss)
Discuss having drunk too much alcohol over the weekend (too much over the course of the weekend, not at any one time)
Arrive at meeting
She pours me drink of wine!
I choose to drink it!

Too much alcohol - what's that?

Soul Mama

Last night Rach, Tracy and I (Op Shop Managers and Staff) went to Soul Mama to celebrate all that the last 6 months have been. It was a great night of presence and celebration ... and yummy food. We are very comfortable with each other and able to do life together in all sorts of ways so a lovely evening. We thought about whether it would still be good to do it even though this week has been what it has - but decided to still do it, and I'm glad we did. It was a rich time together.

Basking in the Sun

Melbourne is very much now in winter - I've aquired several new jackets from the op shop over the last year, and enjoying getting to wear them! Today the sky is blue, even though it's also a cold Melbourne day, and the sun is shining. I'm very conscious of basking in the sun today, literally and figuratively.

The Privelge and the Pain

On the weekend one of the op shop volunteers died. A tragic death. His struggle had been long, real and hard. We knew him for such a brief time but his part in our life and our part in his was of deep significance. There is no doubt that in these last couple of months of his life the shop was a great part of his life. It has been a privelge to know him and to be a part of his life. We grieve his death ... but are thankful that his struggle is now over. Nicholas Serritelli we hold you dearly in our hearts and are thankful for your life and the brief part of it we could share with you.

And we are conscious of the impact that one person's death has on others, particularly those closest to them and to others who for whatever reason life is very fragile for. We are conscious of Nick's daughter especially. Also, we are conscious of others around our community, some of whom didn't even know Nick, who will be impacted deeply by this death.

This morning a few of us sat in the church building and put together an area in memory of Nick - candles, a cross, takeaway Chai's (we'd introduced him to them), water, words that we thought of as we thought of him - devoted, struggle, good listener, real, honest ..., his favourite cigarettes. We listened to Mia Dyson and the Cat Empire. It was special.

Stranger than Fiction

Last night watched a great movie with a few friends - definately worth checking out: Stranger than Fiction

Time to Post again

Good on you if you've still been reading this blog - thanks! I'm going to aim to get back into blogging a bit ... I know I have said that lots over the years - but this time I suspect that it will happen. So many things going on in mife at the moment - internally and around me. Much that is happening in and around me is not appropriate for a public forum but much is too - so I'll try and write about the things that are. So stay tuned for much more regular posting (I hope).

Loneliness - the way of the Cross

I had cause to reflect today on just how lonely some aspects of my journey are. Don't get me wrong - I have ACE people around and in much I am very content with who is around me - they are great! But today I was very aware of the loneliness of some aspects of my life - particularly around some things I'm involved in organising for Easter. After having mentioned it to a friend as we were discussing Easter and what we are planning, I came away and processed what was going on for me a bit. And then I had a profound moment. Simple but so profound it blew me away. Loneliness was exactly the journey of Jesus on the path to the cross ... and at the cross. Phew - that's blown me away for the rest of the day.

Transformative Grace

Here's another way of describing the things that I was trying to describe below in the post "mystery". Thanks Anj for reminding me of these words of Richard Foster:

When we despair of gaining inner transformation through human power of will and determination, we are open to a wonderful new realization: inner righteousness is a gift from God to be graciously received. The needed change within us is God's work, not ours. The demand is for an inside job, and only God can work from the inside. We cannot attain or earn this righteousness of the kingdom of God; it is a grace that is given.....

God has given us the Disciplines of the spiritual life as a means of receiving His grace. The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that He can transform us.

Richard Foster
Celebration of Discipline
Harper & Row, 1978, pp. 5-6.

Question of Discernment

Paul Fromont share some questions of discernment which he has heard from Rowan Williams. I love them and find them really useful.

Some important questions for reflection at the heart of discernment:

(a) What course of action more fully seems to resonate with the kind of life Christ lived and lives?

(b) What course of action opens up more possibilities for God to ‘come through’?

(c) What opens rather than closes doors for God’s healing, forgiving, reconciling, and creating work to go on?

“There is no guarantee that in any situation there will be only one clear and compelling answer. In the process of asking these questions, in the very process of reflecting and discerning we are making space in ourselves for the life of Christ and the creative movement of God…”

Mystery

There have been some things that I've been wanting to change in my life for ages that I have just seemed powerless to change, things that God's calling me to that have seemed so basic but just so out of reach. Over years I've seen difference but it continues to be a battle and I often get discouraged in it all. Last week a conversation helped me to both relax in it but also be more serious about it at the same time! I realised that the sadness that I felt over my lack of ability to live in the way I'm being called to - and even more the results of that - is actually something that will get worse not better as I live in it more ... the more you know (experience kind of know) God and live in the ways he's calling you to, the more you will be sad about the ways in which you are not. So I've had to face the question of "do you want the sadness to go away or do you want to know God?" - and have certainly resolved that I want to know God and if sadness comes with that territory, so be it.
But in the meantime something mysterious has happened in me - in these things that seem to have had a hold on me for so long, I'm seeing real difference. Not thru striving or really working hard at deciding but really just thru making the kind of call I've talked about above and I guess (in quite a low key way really) looking to God to do it because I know I can't myself and giving up on some of the other answers of how change might come. What I've expereinced, observed, seen in myself is just a welling up of choices in the direction that I'm being called to walk in. It's almost (but not quite) like "of course this is what you'd do".
As this is happening I guess a couple of things have been in my mind: "what the law was powerless to do" ... I'm seeing so clearly that living by the "law" (even God's call in a sense) is powerless to break the hold of darkness, lostness and brokeness in me, as is disgust, striving, systems or any of the other things I've tried over the years. The other thing is the fruit of the spirit in the message "What happens when we live God's way? We see fruit arising in us in much the same way as fruit appears in an orchard ..." Yep that describes the experience I'm living. Deeply mysterious but deeply real and definately life producing.

Self-revelation; Authenticity

It's bizarre for someone who has always kind of prided themselves in their authenticity to have that reality challenged but that is what is happening for me. A range of things that have happened recently have encouraged me to be more true to myself in what I reveal to others. I guess over the last while I have got somewhat self-protecting in what I choose to reveal to others - having gone from a place where I reveal too much for unhealthy reasons, I've gone in some ways to a place of not revealling where really it would be good to reveal more. I've especially been really conscious of the invitation to others that my appropriate self-revelation is.

Back to the Blog

Talking to someone about things on their blog yesterday, they pointed out just how long it had been since I blogged so I thought I would change that :) I have been reading blogs and life has been very full and also much of the stuff that has been happening for me has not been appropriate to be put in a public forum ... but much has but I've just been too busy living it! Or not enough emotional energy to sit down and right about it. The last few months has seen Tracy and I take over the op shop completely (on behalf of St Paul's), I ran all the Solace Sunday gatherings in December including an inter-generational Christmas Eve service which was one of the best gatherings of that style I've ever seen I reckon (had lots of fun working with my friend and colleague Naomi on it), we ran Children's Advent activities in December in Station St Fairfield, I've been preparing for and then supporting Scripture Union missions around Victoria (just a small job!!!!), I've resigned from my job and finishing on 23rd Feb. Those are the external things. Alongside that much is also happening internally. At one level I'm exhausted in every possible way, at another I've never been more alive. Much is opening up in front of me, some I know what's happening, most I don't, much I have glimpses of what God's up to but not the whole picture. I reckon I'll be back a bit more regularly now (well that's not hard given my recent history!).

Sleepless night so I'll write about Coffee!

Can't sleep - so I thought i might as well do something I've been meaning to do for ages - ie. start writing about coffee. I will write about some of the conversations and times that I have over coffee (and tea, other drinks and food too) but I figure telling the stories of my coffees might be an interesting way of discussing my life. So let me think back ... On Saturday, I grabbed a latte at Alfio's, the cafe where I am most a "regular" - they definately know my order and by the time and how I come in and can tell whether I am there for take away or sitting down ... they can't yet tell whether I'm there alone or expecting to meet someone though. Went to work for a bit (love the office with no-one in it) and then went and had a late lunch and a latte with Tim and Tracy after they'd been in the op shop for the morning. Great lunch and coffee at Organic Gertrude, another place on Station St in Fairfield. Sunday - let me see if I can remember ... ah yes ... brunch with a girl who I mentor at Qube on Station St - Pancakes and yep you guessed it a latte. Then home and I had a cup of T2 French Earl Gray Tea with my neighbours who popped over for a chat. Then off to work and we had our opening of new office building - I got so busy talking to people that I really didn't get near food or drink of any kind. Then church and pizza for dinner with one of the other people from St Paul's. So we are up to Monday. It's the day I'm in the op shop and I grab a take away latte from Degani's on Station St before going into the chruch building where our op shop is and having a few moments of quiet reflection before the day begins. Mid afternoon when I'm beginning to fade I pop next door and get a latte from the Greek cafe to one side of our church building. Monday night - yum food and a glass of wine and dinner with Tracy & Tim, Chris, Sally & Abby, and Jeff and Virginia. Lovely night. So we come to Tuesday. (yes we begin to see a life where coffee and food are important) Having left the car at work on Monday night, I walk to work and drop by Alfio's and get a latte as I walk. A bit later I'm back at Alfio's for a meeting with Stu from Solace - planning some things for the next couple of Sunday's and varous other things. Tuesday night girls over last night - and I cooked a roast and finished off a bottle of wine with Rach. So we are up to today - my Wednesday morning coffee ritual was broken as the MacLean's were out of coffee and Tracy, Liv and I pray together on Wednesday morning - so tea for me this morning. Mid morning I was a bit brain foggy so I popped out for a coffee and some food - went to a great cafe on Heidelberg Road called Apte an had Mueseli (best I've had in a long time) and a latte - and got my head around where life and work was up to. Back to work and then at the end of the day at quite a frustrated moment went back to Alfio's, got my laptop out on one of the outside tables ordered a latte and had a very productive 30 minutes writing most of an email to mission directors.

For those of you who want a glimpse of my life - that's not a bad one - as I said my life around coffee and food!

Multi stage of life relating ...

I view myself as extremely privelged - I am close to people across various age ranges and stages of life, something which I'm soooo thankful for and appreciate the richness of daily. Soemone once called me "ageless" describing how I can relate naturally and as myself to people across the spectrum of life.

Yesterday a friend and I spoke about a situation where a single person very obviously stated that they wouldn't be bringing anything to a function. The friend is a mum of a 2 year old and was quite taken aback by the single person's statement. Now there's more in that situation (which explains stuff on both sides) but it got me thinking and led to me having a conversation last night with a close friend who is also a mum of a 3yr old and 1 yr old.

In the situation I mentioned the mum was commenting on "we're managing something and we have a kid" and I could easily imagine the single person thinking "it's just me, I'm just one extra". Last night my friend and I were talking about how hard it is for us to see outside of the situation in life that we are currently in. I also think that for most of us in the kind of circles I'm in whatever the stage of life we are so time poor that we often think it must be easier for someone else at a different life stage or life situation to do something. In reality, I think this is rarely true.

This also led onto another conversation I had during the week about a single person relating to families. Relating about this again last night, it struck us how often we resent things in each others lives because it means that we "get" less of what we want from the other person: might be a partner, might be kids, might be work, might be a hobby - but whatever it is it's not about the "thing" whatever it might be but rather about us not getting what we want and feel is rightfully ours.

How hard it is for us to really understand each others lives, to trully live ours fully, to accept and celebrate where we are and where others are and look for the creative opportunities and invitation for connection across them.

A Whinge about Whinges!

I find myself increasingly tired of peoples whinges about church. It's not that I don't care - i profoundly do. It's not that I think they are not legitimate, and often true - they often are. It's just that I really do reckon there are bigger things in life for us as God's people to be giving our attention to then whether others are talking to us! I'm just somewhat over how inwardly focused we as God's people are - when there is just so much need in the world, AND so much about God and each other for us to enjoy too!
So I guess that means that I'm over myself sometimes too - I'm not immune from the whinging about church bug :) But gosh I long for us as God's people to be deeply the people we are called to be.

Future of God Amongst the People of God

Great post by Paul Fromont about what it means for the future of God to be amongst the People of God and how we as congregations/communities shape our lives for transformation.
Excellent stuff.

Benedict continued

I'm really enjoying Joan Chittister's commentary on The Rule of Benedict.

Here's one of the gems:
"it is up to the monastic to let the practices of the community and the rhythm of prayer life work their way until the piercing good of God rises in them like yeast in bread"

Life

There are so many good things in life at the moment. And so many tiring things. And quite a number of things that suck energy. Had a few days away last week on retreat which was really centering and refreshing. Last weekend was our community weekend away - some really good things, some really average things. We are in the process of architects tendering for the initial stages of the redevelopment of our church building - so exciting. People are people - amazing potential both for good and bad, and this week I've seen and experienced both of those in others and in myself.

Benedict's Rule

I've just started reading Joan Chittister's commentary on the The Rule of Benedict, after hearing/reading about it 3 times within one day a few weeks ago I ordered this book in.

So expect to hear some stuff from it over the coming weeks.

p20 "Obedience, Benedict says - the willingness to listen for the voice of God in life - is what will wrench us out of the limitations of our own landscape. We are being called to something outside of ourselves, something greater than ourselves, something beyond ourselves."

p22 "Benedict is begging us here to realize that God is the only lifeline that life guarantees us."